Thank you so much Dr Scott

I want to say thank you so much to my boss, Dr. Chrissy Scott.  The further I get into my chemo the harder it is to function beyond the bed or couch.  She provided supper for Jeremiah and me from Mellow Mushroom and Jason's Deli this week. Two of my favorite places to eat.  At this point, it's hard to get food and liquids past my mouth.  I wasn't able to eat any of it because of the nausea.  I did have friends and family helping out at my house so your thoughtfulness allowed me the opportunity to provide them a meal while here.  Thank you so much Dr. Scott for being so patient while I've been doing my chemo.

It's get harder and harder

I believe I'm at the lowest point of this chemo treatment so far.  I have always been an emotionally and mentally strong person, but this is kicking my butt.  I have cried for the past week at so many things.  I am always thinking about others instead of me...especially during all of the chemo treatments.  My friend Jessie, knows when I am not telling the truth about how I'm feeling.  She has me figured out right now, especially.

I never want to be a burden on anyone, so I just suck it up and push on.  I think there are very few people who truly realize how crappy I feel.  Just because I am still trying to go to work and maintain some since of normalcy in my routine, doesn't mean it isn't as bad as people have heard.  It's even harder!!!!!  I have been told by many people to file for FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) and stay home and rest.  In the back of my mind, I keep thinking about all of our medical bills that have only just begun, how much work I will have to do to catch up when I do go back to work, and Jeremiah being worn out from shouldering the financial responsibility of all the bills being paid.  That upsets me more than pushing my body to do things I probably shouldn't do. 

My body hurts all the time time and I barely have the energy to go to the kitchen to get something to drink.  I will lie on the couch for several hours and not ask anyone to get something for me because I know they are already doing so much.  I know, my family and friends have chosen to help me.  Someone told me recently that I shouldn't deny someone the opportunity to bestow a blessing on someone else.  Makes a lot of sense...but I still feel guilty. 

 Taking hot bubble baths has been the only thing to lift my spirits a little bit.  My fur angels follow me everywhere.  Here they are while I take a hot bath.  I have to confess, I use the time while the water is running to cry.  That way Jeremiah doesn't here me.

Fur Angels

I really haven't felt well at all the past couple of days.  I have tried to drink more fluids (although my gag reflex has protested) to keep my heart rate down...but it's so hard.  My mom took me to the pharmacy to buy a blood pressure machine to make sure my blood pressure doesn't get out of control. 

My two dogs (a.k.a. Fur Angels) can tell I'm not feeling well and have stayed with me all day.  In fact, they find it necessary to lie on top of me.  I love them so much!

Happiness in a Vase

There's nothing like beautiful flowers to help you fell better.  My favorite place to receive them from?  David's Flowers in Dunwoody, GA.  Every arrangement you receive is masterfully put together.  It's like artwork.  They have some of the most unique flowers and they last longer than any other place I have gotten flowers from.  The bonus:  their staff is so caring and friendly.  Two of the ladies there are breast cancer survivors as well.

rut roh

 Today is my weekly appointment with my oncologist.  I woke up this morning not feeling well.  It's hard to tell if it's from the chemo or if it could be something more.  I have a really bad headache as well.

The nurse (Connie) started off checking my blood pressure, temperature, and drawing blood for my weekly blood work.  They want to know what my white blood cell count is and check my liver/kidney function, etc.

Low blood pressure (86/40) + high heart rate (144) + low grade temp = why I'm not feeling well

Dr. Volas-Redd wants me to start i.v. fluids today.  He is my response, "I already have a lunch date scheduled with my mom and friend (Monique).  Can I please eat lunch first and then come back?"  My body is being torn to the lowest point it can possibly go from the chemo and it's side effects, and I want to go to my lunch date.  They told me I could go to lunch if someone else drove.  They don't want me to be behind the wheel and I have a stroke from the high blood pressure (...and kill myself and/or someone else)  I'm by myself, so I drove to the restaurant and my mom drove me back to the doctor.

It's 2:00 and the fluids have started.  The hope is it will help bring my heart rate down.  After it was finished, it was down to 132.  They said I need to drink as much fluid as I can, but I can't stand the taste of water or the texture of it.  Yes, you heard me right.  Water does have a taste and texture when you are on chemo. 

Elmur Fudd, Sinead O'Connor, Patrick Stewart

What do I have in common with them?  Only one things...baldness.  

I can't take it anymore!  My hair is so sparse, and sticks straight out.  I'm ready to shave it off.  Here's a pic after I left the salon.  Susan who does my hair has been so supportive through my journey. 

You might be going through cancer treatment or getting ready to do so.  Don't let it control your life.  Show it who's boss and rock the bald!!!! 

Back to Breast Surgeon

I have been having fluid building up in the armpit area on my left side (the side I had the lymph node biopsy done on).  It's beginning to get uncomfortable,  I have an appointment with Dr. Johnson to check it.  My dear friend and neighbor, Monique, drove me because I just don't feel well.

Dr. Johnson did an ultrasound to see how much fluid really was in there.  She felt she needed to draw the fluid off.  100 cc worth.  Whew!  It feels so much better now.